My recovery required that I stop doing two of the things I loved most. I couldn’t go to school and I couldn’t do any cardio activities. I was pissed. I was angry and sorry for myself and I couldn’t understand why those two things had to be taken from me.
I remember thinking, “How will I survive quitting running and school? How can I ever be successful?”
This semester has been a challenge for me academically. I have had to start two additional blogs for my already writing heavy classes and regularly post content to them– which is honestly why I have not posted here lately #oops.
I love it. I know that I am learning a lot.
Yet I still sometimes cry my eyes out at 1 a.m. in frustration at all of the work I have to do.
Why? Because learning freaking hurts.
For most people, the holidays are wonderful. They are full of family, friends, laughter and love.
For people who struggle with things such as illness, anxiety, eating disorders, self-harm, and familial difficulties, the holidays can bring tremendous stress and anxiety.
The best way to help everyone have a stress-less holiday season is to be conscious of what comes out of our mouths- shocker, I know. It is easier said than done, though. I have compiled a list of things NOT to say this holiday season. Many of them are seemingly normal. They are ingrained in our culture and I hear them WAY too often and I even catch myself saying them sometimes… without even realizing it.
One of my professors recently asked my class the following questions:
1. What made you choose St. Bonaventure?
2. What are the similarities of the people who are in the “Bona-Bubble” (the Bonaventure community)?
My answer to both of these questions is the same and I didn’t even have to think about it: I go to St. Bonaventure because we are all door-holders.
I am weight restored and I have been steadily maintaining this weight for months now.
My blood labs are all normal.
My heart is beating at a safe rate.
I am eating a healthy amount of calories for my energy expenditure.
I can run, I can lift weights, and I do not constantly feel like I will pass out.
I can remember things.
I can eat a meal without trembling in fear.
I am grateful and proud of all the above statements… but less than a year ago, none of them were true. Less than a year ago, any person who saw me walk down the street would have told you they were worried I was going to collapse. I looked frail, sick, and hollow.
Before I left for school, my mom and I went shopping for easy grab-and-go snacks that I could keep in my dorm. The search for new snacks made me realize how much my attitude towards calories has changed in the past year. This is an exact exchange between my Mom and I:
Mom: “Mike these snack bags look good… what do you think”
Me: “They look okay but 100 calories just doesn’t cut it”
For my first official post I am linking up with Julia for Mental Health Monday! Check out her page to learn all about it!